N.W.S.L. Keeps the Dream Alive

Many of us who were invested in Women’s Professional Soccer rejoiced when the National Women’s Soccer League was announced.

The emotional roller coaster ride of W.P.S., however, left many players wary and skeptical. But as details slowly fall into place, and the N.W.S.L. becomes reality, I have once again become entangled in the excitement, hope, and logistics of this (yet another) try at making women’s professional soccer stick in this country. I firmly believe that it is possible to create a sustainable, and eventually successful, league.

Is the N.W.S.L. going to get it right?

While I support of the league and will do everything I can to help it succeed, I can’t help but be guarded. I think many others feel the same way. My good friend and former teammate, Ella Masar, and I have been hosting#WSoccerChat on Twitter where fans, team representatives and players join us to talk all things women’s soccer, especially N.W.S.L. I find that as I help sort through fact and fiction surrounding the league, answer questions, and respond to fans from all over the country and world, it’s easier because these issues aren’t directly affecting my life, for now.

It is my dream to play professionally in this country, and I intend to. But right now, Sweden is my home. I spent sleepless nights debating whether I should terminate my contract with Kopparbergs/Goteborg and come back to play in the U.S. As the deadline approached, the league still had no name, many of the coaches had not been announced, and national team player allocation was a distant notion. So, I’ve decided to stay in Sweden for this season. It’s been great to watch the details of the new league unfold without a clenched stomach and anxiety over how it will all affect my career. That said, and as a (somewhat) neutral observer, here are my capsule looks at each team.

Boston Breakers

Boston has always has a strong organization. Lisa Cole took over as head coach after Tony DiCicco stepped aside and has not coached the team in a fully professional environment. It will be interesting to see her make her mark. Kristine Lilly will be assisting, so the team will have a new look.

Chicago Red Stars

Chicago’s allocation could cause some interesting situations during the season. The team has two world-class caliber holding midfielders in Shannon Boxx and Keelin Winters, who will both be expecting to make a home in the middle of the park. Additionally, Leslie Osborne, another holding midfielder and former captain of the Breakers, has signed with Chicago. It will be interesting to see how the club uses these players in the middle of midfield.

Kansas City

I am curious to see how this club will look, both on and off the field. I am unfamiliar with the women’s soccer fan base in Kansas City. They also potentially lack some of the firepower of other teams. The team’s assistant coach said: “Our selections are a long-term approach and a long-term view. We feel like we’re going to have access to the top players as they’re graduating from college — the future stars for the senior national team.”

Portland Thorns

Portland is the team that everyone is talking about. Not only does it have perhaps the best striking combination in the world, with Christine Sinclair and Alex Morgan, it has a solid goalkeeper in Karina LeBlanc. This team will surely draw impressive crowds. No one can argue that the club came out ahead of the game after the allocation. Cindy Parlow Cone will have a colossal task in her professional coaching debut, managing the talent under great pressure and expectation.

Seattle Reign

Seattle will be another team with a strong fan base and exciting players to watch. I am interested to see how Laura Harvey, former Arsenal Ladies coach, fares in a new country and managing a group of strong personalities. This team certainly has the talent to do well, but it will be a test for Harvey to put all the pieces together.

Sky Blue

Sky Blue will certainly have great leadership on the field, with Christie Rampone anchoring the back line. Jim Gabarra is an experienced coach and his teams often play simply and efficiently. It remains to be seen what other players he signs to fill out the roster, as he has built many relationships with players throughout his time in W.P.S and the W.U.S.A., which is reflected in his ability to secure some great free agent signings.

Washington Spirit

This team will produce an interesting brand of soccer. I am a huge fan of many of the players allocated to Washington. Ashlyn Harris will be great in goal, with Ali Krieger attacking out of the back, Alina Garciamendez providing support and organization in the middle of the back, and Robyn Gayle as more of an enforcer in the back line. I am also excited to see the combination of Lori Lindsey and Diana Matheson in the midfield, and I think they could potentially complement each other well. It will be key for the Spirit to secure a goal scorer or two to ensure success.

Western New York Flash

I’m happy to see Abby Wambach playing back home. I played for Western N.Y. in 2011 and every time Abby came to town, the crowd was unbelievable. The Flash is a dedicated organization with a great fan base. The team will not be stacked as it had been in W.P.S., and there is a lot of pressure on Coach Aaran Lines, after a W-League championship, W.P.S. championship, and then W.P.S.L. Elite championship in consecutive years.

There are still many details left to fall into place. But as things slowly unfold and anticipation builds, I find that the walls of my guarded opinion are crumbling. I’m excited for 2013 and to see the N.W.S.L. keep our dreams alive!

In National Team Camp, Treasuring the Opportunity

MONTCLAIR, N.J. — On Monday I saw a fun historical fact on Twitter about the United States women’s national team : Six years ago to the day, I received my first cap against England in the Four Nations Tournament in China. At the time, Greg Ryan was the coach. When Pia Sundhage took over, I was hopeful that I’d make a place for myself as a regular on the team. All these years later, I am thankful to have been to many training camps, participated in the World Cup qualifying tournament, and have 16 caps and one goal. But I am not in the spot I would have hoped.

Once again, a new era is about to begin. I have similar hopes for this go-around, but my perspective is much less naïve. I have learned a great deal over the last five years — about the game, myself and the things I can and cannot control throughout this wonderful, yet turbulent, process.

I made a promise to myself shortly into Pia’s tenure as coach. I decided that whether I played or didn’t, dressed for a game or was in the stands, made a roster or was sent home, every time I stepped onto the field I would train in preparation to be a starter for the national team.

Under Pia’s guidance, I got great insight into what it’s like at the highest level and what it takes to be successful. I played with and against the best every day in training camp and got to know them as teammates and friends. Although at times it has been extremely difficult, I have never lost touch with that promise I made to myself. Now that I’ve gotten a glimpse, every time I train or play, I am holding myself to a certain standard.

When I got the e-mail inviting me to the first national team training camp this year, which will conclude with two games against Scotland, I may have been happier than any other time I’ve been invited to an event or made a roster. For me, this represents a fresh start. It is a chance to show that I can compete for a spot on the No. 1 women’s team in the world. And I’ve learned to treasure that chance above all else. I leave for Jacksonville, Fla., on Saturday.

As I prepare for this first camp under the new head coach, Tom Sermanni, nothing has really changed for me. Every day since I was 10 years old I have done everything in my power to be ready for the moment I would have this type of opportunity. It is helpful, though, to remind myself of what I have learned over these last few years.

One thing that has been imprinted in my mind, especially over this last year, is how rare opportunities like this can be. My journey has made me realize never to take anything for granted. Whether it’s being healthy enough to play and feel good, starting a game for a club team, or having the chance to come into a national team training camp, I truly appreciate every moment. It can become so easy to expect certain things and a certain level of success and recognition for the work you put in. The irony of my process has been that although at times I have been disappointed and frustrated to the extreme, I now have an enormous appreciation for the little things.

I have no clue if this upcoming camp will be my last, or the beginning of a successful new phase for me in which I will have a shot at achieving some of my greatest dreams. The only control I have over this is to do my best. There is nothing I can show any coach or prove to someone outside of being the best me I am capable of being on any given day. In the past, I have tried to be what I thought a team needed or prove I could do certain things that are outside my comfort zone. While these things are still important, in the end, being the best me is what will take me farthest.

What makes the national team environment different and special is that every woman involved is the absolute best at what she does. So while competing for a spot is important, it is not competition like I have been used to in the past. It is rare that any player will be better than another player at the specific skill that makes her world class. The key is to do what you do best, at the highest possible level, most consistently. In that way, you are really only always competing against yourself. I bring a unique skill set to the table. I must be the best in the world at that skill set every day I step onto the field. That I can control.

If I can wake up every morning at camp and remember to be grateful to be there, challenge myself to learn and get better every session, enjoy each moment, and be the best me I can be, then I will be successful no matter the outcome.

Going With the Flow

MONTCLAIR, N.J. — I’m often asked, “What is the most challenging part of being a professional soccer player?” My response never has to do with events on the field. From the outside, I have a glamorous lifestyle. I spend a couple of hours out at the field daily, get to travel the world, get sent pretty new Nike cleats, and occasionally get to compete in front of big crowds and win championship games. I feel fortunate to have the career I do, but playing professional soccer, especially on the women’s side, isn’t always as glamorous as it may appear. In fact, it can be difficult.

The toughest part for me isn’t finding motivation to train in the off-season, retaining my confidence after a disappointment or poor performance, or disciplining myself to eat well and get enough sleep. I struggle most with the lack of stability. As 2013 begins, I took a moment to look back at 2012, which was certainly the most tumultuous year of my life. The list below will illustrate that while I love my job and would not rather do anything else in the world, it can be tough on the mind and body.

In 2012, I …

¶ Struggled to decide which Women’s Professional Soccer team to sign with. I wanted to be at home in New Jersey, liked the playing environment in Western New York, yet needed to be assured that I would see meaningful playing time. After a long and tough decision-making process, I chose to play for the Atlanta Beat, where I thought I would be most needed on the field.

¶ Trained with the U.S. women’s national team before it narrowed down and selected the roster that would go on to compete in the Olympics and win a gold medal. As you can imagine, I dealt with the disappointment of not being involved.

¶ Got the news that there would be no W.P.S. season and once again began my search for a team.

¶ Went to Russia to continue my professional career with Rossiyanka. My experience there was tough, and I returned home after a month.

¶ Spent the summer coaching and playing for the New Jersey Wildcats of the W-League.

¶ Continued to search for opportunities in Europe, and after many frustrating weeks of contacting anyone I could think of with a connection abroad, had the opportunity to sign with Kopparbergs/Goteborg. I moved to Sweden for three months, hopeful that I would find a home in the lineup and have a chance to get some games. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of play and have loved playing for the club.

¶ Watched Barcelona play Manchester United live and witnessed Lionel Messi work his magic.

¶ Saw Juventus play in its beautiful stadium.

¶ Got to compete in the UEFA Women’s Champions League with two different teams (losing in the quarterfinal round with Rossiyanka and then beginning the 2012-13 competition with Kopparbergs/Goteborg).

¶ Traveled to nine different countries: Russia, Spain, France, Germany, Sweden, Serbia, Norway, Italy and Denmark.

¶ Came home from Sweden and immediately spent 10 days in the hospital with a complicated and serious case of pneumonia.

¶ Was excited by the announcement of the National Women’s Soccer League, but conflicted about whether to terminate my contract for 2013 with my wonderful Swedish club. It has always been my dream to play professionally in the United States, and while playing in Europe is a fun adventure, I want to support a domestic league and look forward to one day building a life here. My contract with Kopparbergs/Goteborg extends through 2013, but I wondered if I should scrap it and return home to play.

This felt like an easier decision and it would ensure me being seen by the new national team coach, Tom Sermanni. I was pressed to make a decision, and opted to stay with my Swedish club, which will compete in the quarterfinal of the UEFA Women’s Champions League in March. There are a lot of questions surrounding the N.W.S.L., and in Sweden I know what to expect and know that I will be happy on the field and have a place to express myself as a player and grow in an environment where I am greatly appreciated. I am taking a leap of faith and trusting that if I am happy and fulfilled on the field, then everything else will fall into place.

¶ Got to enjoy the holidays with friends and family, and make a trip back to the University of North Carolina.

So, that was my 2012. I played the game I love on various continents, with many different players with many different styles, and in an array of conditions. I was forced to make stressful decisions about my future when nothing seemed right. I felt the anxiety of waiting to find out information that would decide my fate, yet over which I had no control. I feared for the unrealized dreams that I am working to keep alive. And, I found myself, for a couple days, actually scared for my life.

The toughest part of being a professional soccer player is sometimes going against everything in my nature that has gotten me to the highest level — my passion, discipline, initiative to control my ascension, work ethic. At times, given the reality of my situation, I must throw those to the wind and simply have enough faith to go with the flow.

Home At Last

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness; nothing so gentle as real strength.” — Ralph W. Sockman MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Irony can be profound. Sometimes it’s painful. Other times it’s confusing.

My return home from Sweden was showered in irony. I make my livelihood being in top physical condition, but within 24 hours of landing in the U.S., I was in so much pain I could barely sit up and needed oxygen to breathe. I had just traversed Europe, asserting my independence and learning to live on my own, but I was at the mercy of nurses and family to care for me.

I had not been feeling well for the last few weeks of my time in Sweden. I couldn’t seem to overcome a variety of cold symptoms, and then I began to develop what I thought were some sort of strained muscles around my rib cage. The morning of our final game of the season for Gothenburg, ourChampions League home leg against Fortuna Hjorring, I woke up in excruciating pain. Every time I took a breath, I had sharp spasms throughout my entire back and chest. Somehow I managed to play 45 minutes that evening before asking to come off at halftime. A painful night and an eight-hour flight later, I found myself in the emergency room in a New Jersey hospital.

A complicated and serious case of the flu combined with pneumonia in both lungs, and bad pleurisy (inflammation of the lining of the lungs) kept me in the hospital for 10 days. As a 26-year-old professional athlete, only one week before I was training and competing against some of the best female soccer players in the world. The next thing I knew, I was being rolled in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank attached to the back. This Thanksgiving, I was thankful for some of the most basic things a human being can be thankful for: the ability to breathe on my own, a strong body capable of fighting off the sickness that had attacked it and life itself.

Life is, in so many ways, ironic and humbling.

Even those of us in the most vigorous condition are subject to health’s fragility. Sometimes a measure of independence is allowing oneself to be taken care of. Simplicity is one of the most difficult states to attain. To fight harder frequently means one must let go. We gain wisdom by admitting how little we actually know.

We are taught to exercise and eat well to fortify ourselves against disease; told to invest our time in activities to achieve long-term goals; encouraged to save money and resources for a later time. But ironically, it can all be gone in an instant, even if you do it right. I am finally home, but my recent experiences highlighted many of life’s sometimes dangerous contradictions.

In the past, I have trained so hard that it made me injured; cared so much about my performance that the stress made me play poorly; and slept so much that I was tired.

The more I aim to take control of my path and attempt to gain mastery over my body and this game, the more I am shown the frequent irony in my efforts. Once again, the sport has taught me a poignant lesson about grace, gratitude and the fragility of everything we attempt to build.

Now that I’ve finished discussing irony, I must go plan some spontaneous outings for this off-season

I, a few United States women’s national team players and members of the M.L.S. Philadelphia Union will be involved with putting on a clinic to raise money for people affected by Hurricane Sandy. Kick-Start the Rebuild soccer clinic will be held on Dec. 16 in Downingtown, Pa.

Fear, Dreams and New Perspective

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Sometimes your life conspires on your behalf to bring to your attention something that is welling deep in your subconscious. A Blog My teammate, Christen Press, recently wrote an article on fear. She talked about the different fears we, as athletes, have learned to conquer daily, and those that still plague us simply because of the nature of what we do. As much as I would like to think we can eradicate all of our fears, the more I think about it, the more I realize none of us is without fear. Christen’s blog led me to think of fear as a healthy tension within ourselves, rather than the crippling emotion that it is most commonly associated.

For a long time, I’ve been proud of myself for conquering a certain aspect of my fear as an athlete — my fear of failure. I put myself out there, give 100 percent to my training and am resigned to accept the results and learn to grow from them, whether positive or negative. But I am not without fear. There is a force that pulls at me, sometimes keeping me awake at night thinking about the decisions I’ve made in my career. It’s the same force that inspires many of my blogs; motivates me to train smarter, better, more; and makes me take extreme pride in my performance, whether it’s pickup or the Swedish Cup final. It is the fear of unrealized dreams.

A Birthday At 26, I am no longer a young player. I still wholeheartedly believe that I have years of improvement left, but gone are the days when I can bank on some largely undeveloped potential. My recent birthday reinforced this, but also strengthened my resolve to keep chipping away and refining myself as a player because there is much work to be done.

A Film My enlightening observations on this fear that drives me coincided with watching a documentary called “Searching for Sugar Man,” about a musician from Detroit named Rodriguez. By all accounts, Rodriguez was extremely talented, and produced music in the 1960s on par with legends like the Rolling Stones. But he never made it in the U.S. For more than 40 years, he has lived a simple life as a construction worker in Detroit. Meanwhile, unbeknown to him, all those years ago his album had made its way to South Africa, where he gained acclaim and stardom equivalent to that of Elvis.

The movie spoke to something incredibly relevant in my life about the subjectivity of success. How do I actually define my success? How much acknowledgement and acclaim do I personally need to feel successful? How much does achieving my goals of playing in a World Cup and Olympics actually matter to me, as opposed to having a fulfilling playing career and mastering aspects of my sport without ever realizing those dreams?

These questions — to which I still do not have answers — have replayed over and over in my mind. My respect and reverence for Rodriguez and his inner peace play themselves against the sharp discrepancy between his talent and the outcome of his musical career. Rodriguez’s album serenades me from my iTunes like an anthem, reminding me to search for serenity within myself as an athlete.

A Changing of the Guard I am a laid-back person for the most part, but awaiting U.S. Soccer’s announcement of the next women’s national team coachgave me anxiety. Just when I thought I had embraced the cliché to control the controllables, I was completely stressed by the thought that the future of the team was being decided, and there was nothing I could do about it. Just another sign that my fear is alive and kicking.

Now that Tom Sermanni has been announced as coach, several people have asked me: What do you think? Is this a good thing for you personally? From everything I’ve heard and read, I think it is going to be a wonderful and exciting new era for the team. Obviously, I hope to be part of it and will do everything within my power to make that happen.

A few years ago, I thought I was on the verge of being able to say I’m happy playing just for the sake of playing. Recently, my life has reached out to me from all directions, letting me know that there’s unfinished business. The fear of my unrealized dreams is a flame ignited in me. I do love this game as something removed from my career and have found a level of peace in that. But on behalf of the 9-year-old me who set out on a mission as yet unfinished, I will not quell this fear, but let it combust and propel me toward my dreams.

A Brief Sojourn to Italy

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — I am continually awed in a multitude of ways by the beautiful game. This past weekend was yet another example of how the game, and the experiences it has provided me on various levels, bring such color, joy and reflection into my life. Thanks to the league-wide break for FIFA international dates, Copparbergs/Goteborg had a weekend off from Damallsvenskan play. One of the perks of playing and living in Europe is being able to easily (and relatively affordably) travel to other countries and cities.

It was my boyfriend Aaron’s dream to see Juventus play in the their home stadium in Turin, Italy, so when I saw that my weekend off coincided with theJuventus-Napoli game, I jumped on the opportunity … and used my connections.

I often feel fortunate to be a Nike-sponsored athlete. Whether I’m lacing up my boots, picking out some cool new running shoes, or heading to the field in awesome training gear with a bag of brand new soccer balls, I am always proud to show off the swoosh. Another perk is the opportunity to see Nike-sponsored teams play live. When I asked for tickets to Juventus-Napoli, I would have been happy with two seats anywhere in the stadium. Instead, we were honored as guests of the head of Juventus merchandising in his skybox, and saw an amazing game from an equally amazing vantage point.

I consider myself a Juventus fan, but I am nowhere near the passionate supporter that Aaron embodies (which includes terrible mood swings and fits of anger during and after games that do not go well). He was in his element, singing along to the Juventus anthem at the top of his lungs, “Juveeee storia di un grandeamoooreeee,” which I know all too well because it has been his cellphone ring tone. He was at home among his fellow Juventini, and clearly loving it.

I am enthralled by watching live soccer. I love the sounds, the effort that you cannot quite see on television and sitting among people who share my passion for the game — or in this case, far surpass it.

But my spectatorship is twofold. I watch in admiration of the skill and level of competition, but also as someone who shares the players’ career. I feel the pride of those in the starting lineup for their club. I feel the stress of the substitutes warming up, wondering if/when they will get their chance. I feel the mental and physical strain of the player struggling and not having his best day. And I revel in the glory of the goal-scorer or player who just made an applause-worthy play.

My trip to Italy was short, but well worth the planning process that included 4 a.m. wake-ups to travel there and back with my brief time off. Aaron and I also got to walk around the beautiful city of Turin at night, and see downtown Milan the next day, where we ate delicious, authentic pizza at a café as we took in the scenery. But we agreed that this was all a bonus. Our trip was made by simply attending the game. Whether it was watching Andrea Pirlo smoothly evade a tackle and play one of his signature, perfectly placed chips; feeling the roar of the crowd after Juventus went up one, then two goals; or standing in front of the breathtaking Duomo di Milano(fourth-largest cathedral in the world), the short trip is one that will be imprinted in our minds forever.

As I looked out from the skybox during the game, I appreciated the atmosphere from a unique vantage point. The picturesque, bright green grass and full stadium that was louder than any I had ever experienced had both Aaron and me captivated. But at the moment I watched the players run out for their warm-up, I couldn’t help but think, they have the best job in the world!

Wait … I have the best job in the world!

'Small Team With Enormous Heart'

On paper, there was no way we should have won the Swedish Cup final, 2-1 after extra time on Oct. 11. But as we received our bouquets of flowers and took photos with the championship trophy, Marta, Verónica Boquete, Caroline Seger, and an entire host of star players on Tyreso sat empty-handed on the other side of the field.

For 120 minutes, Kopparbergs/Goteborg weathered the storm of perhaps the best attack in the current world of women’s soccer. We spent stretches seeing little of the ball, held our breath as several close chances were squandered by our opponent, but remained disciplined and worked with one another.

The Svenska Cupen is a tournament that runs throughout the season and is open to women’s teams in all divisions. I only played in the semifinal, against LdB Malmo, a 2-1 win, and the final because I arrived halfway through the season. It wasn’t until after that game that I saw the English translation for the name of our team Facebook group, “lilla laget med enorma hjärtat.” It translates to “small team with enormous heart.”

We are a little team, literally. At one point, we were down to a 15-player roster before bringing back a couple former players out of retirement. We are close-knit, and we lack the stature — both in clout and actual body size — of some of our opponents. But we are a quality team. When I first arrived, my coach told me, “we look for players who can read the game and like to train.” I thought, that’s all well and good, but clearly that can’t be enough to form an elite team. But my club follows the same methodology as my personal philosophy — if the foundation is right, everything else will fall into place.

Don’t get me wrong, we have some talented players. But talent is not the main objective. We’ve won some big games, but winning is not the main objective either. We operate under the belief that if you do things the right way, and enjoy doing them, you have already succeeded. So at the end of the hard-fought Swedish Cup final, I believe that the better team won. I don’t claim that we are more talented than Tyreso, because no team in this league is. But our enormous heart took this little team to victory.

I’ve been asked several times who I think the top players in theDamallsvenskan (Swedish women’s league) are. I have been impressed by the quality of many of my opponents and teammates, although I still have not faced several of the teams. Below I’ve highlighted a few players in the league who have stood out to me for various reasons:

¶ Verónica Boquete of Spain played in W.P.S. for the Philadelphia Independence and now plays for Tyreso. Her movement and positioning always makes her dangerous, but I am especially impressed with her quickness with the ball at her feet.

¶ Kristin Hammarstrom is our starting goalkeeper at Kopparbergs/Goteborg. Her distribution and ability to save breakaways is perhaps the best I’ve ever seen from a female goalkeeper. I would be concerned about my spot as a center mid if she decided to play on the field!

¶ Ramona Bachmann is a Swiss forward for LdB Malmo. Both times we’ve faced this team, she has caused us problems with her speed and ability to run at players on the dribble.

¶ Nilla Fischer is a Swedish international who captains Linkoping and leads the team from the center of their back line. She is strong, good in the air, and made it almost impossible for us to create chances against her well-organized defense.

¶ Lori Chalupny joined AIK for the second half of the season. She is an American midfielder whom I know well from being teammates at the University of North Carolina. Lori always impresses me with her work rate and ability to dominate in both the attack and on defense.

The longer I play here, the more I am impressed by the level of talent and professionalism. So, as you can see, with all the incredible talent in this league, it really puts into perspective the honor of winning the Swedish Cup. That’s why I am especially proud to be a member of Kopparbergs/Goteborg, the “small team with enormous heart.”

My Swedish Slide Show

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — From our intimate stadium to the European architecture to the quaint coffee shops, I’ve tried to describe Gothenburg through e-mails, blogs, tweets and Skype conversations. But let’s be honest: despite my University of North Carolina education, I only know so many adjectives. With my camera, I’ve been able to capture glimpses of my surroundings and what I experience daily. It seems as if I was just boarding the plane on this new adventure and already I only have a month left until the season is over. For now, I’ll let some photos tell the story:

Leaving on a Jet Plane My journey began at Newark Airport, left, in early August. I left with an open mind, but tried to be wary in my hopefulness. I have often made the mistake of getting too excited about new situations and then ended up disappointed. I had only heard good things about my new club and home, though, and with every stepI’ve felt more assured that this is the place for me — physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Ah, Sweden I immediately fell in love with Gothenburg, above and below. It is not a big city, especially compared to “Gothamburg,” but there is always a lot going on (street fairs, chocolate festivals, concerts) and people are constantly out and about.

The Big Boys I got to see Barcelona play Manchester United, below, live on one of the first nights after I arrived. From my seat at nearly field level, I was blown away by many of my idols. The game strengthened my resolve to see as many live games as possible while I’m in Europe.

Playing in Valhalla I love games at our Valhalla Stadium, below. It’s only a few kilometers from where we live, and we train and play our home matches here. The field is turf, which is good because it rains often.

UEFA Women’s Champions LeagueKopparbergs/Goteborg finished in second place in the Damallsvenskan (Sweden’s women’s league) last season and qualified for the UEFA Women’s Champions League.

Our first-round game was against a team from Serbia, Spartak. We won, 4-0, on aggregate and advanced, and we will face the Danish team Fortuna Hjorring, featuring the American forward Tiffany Weimer. We have been wearing pink shoelaces and hair bands for Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Together Again Anita Asante (England international) and I played together for Sky Blue in W.P.S. and now play together in the center of midfield. She is one of my good friends and I absolutely love playing next to her. It’s been a wonderful experienceto get into a playing rhythm where I have many games and can establish strong relationships with my teammates. Anita’s style and experience make her a joy to play with.

A Home Away From Home My teammates all speak excellent English and everyone has been incredibly welcoming. I have especially enjoyed our training sessions and style of play. We connect a lot of shorter passes and play through the midfield, which is ideal for me as a center mid.

I will be returning to my new home next year for a full season. As an obsessive planner, it drives me crazy not to be able to chart my future for years to come. But my mind is at rest in a sense — I’ve found a place where I feel comfortable to play, try things and improve. Hope you like my photos.

A Champions League Sojourn

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — I have to admit, I looked up Serbia on the map when I found out we would be going there for Champions League. This was a business trip, like any time I’ve traveled to play a game, but it turned out to be a fascinating experience, leaving me wishing I could extend my stay and be a tourist for a couple days.

Tuesday, 5 a.m. We woke up and met the team at our stadium to take the bus to the airport. Temperature in Goteborg: 46 degrees and rainy. I was surprised to see that a small group of supporters were joining us for the trip. Dedicated fans!

1 p.m. We landed in Belgrade, Serbia, after a connection in Frankfurt, Germany. We took a three-hour bus ride to the city of Subotica, which is the fifth largest in Serbia and only about six miles from the Hungarian border. Temperature in Serbia: 85 degrees and sunny.

5 p.m. We left for a short training session at the stadium of our opponent,F.K. Spartak. Its field is grass, which was an adjustment because most fields in Sweden are artificial turf. The grass was also a bit bumpy, which proved to be somewhat of an obstacle because our style of play is to possess the ball with many short passes on the ground.

7:30 p.m. We had dinner as a team in the hotel (one of the two hotels in Subotica) and then a meeting to discuss the game the next day. We actually knew next to nothing about our opponent, so we’re told to be ready for anything and adjust quickly during the game. This was somewhat foreign (no pun intended) for me, especially having played in W.P.S. for three years where you knew every player so well and played each team three or four times during the season.

Wednesday, 8 a.m. Game day! After breakfast, we took a walk through downtown Subotica. The architecture caught my eye and imagination. It is extremely intricate, almost elaborate, which seemed to contradict the fact that a lot of the buildings were run down.

The author, left, and her teammate Anita Asante in downtown Subotica, Serbia, last week.

Kickoff, 3 p.m. It was a hot day and our opponent was clearly energized. After only moments into the game, we could tell it was not going to be an easy one. Spartak is a good team, with some talented individuals who are good on the ball. They are also strong and physically imposing. It was tough for us to get into our usual passing rhythm because of the condition of the field and slightly heavy legs from the heat and travel. We went up a goal, thanks to a long-range shot from Cami Levin, midway through the first half. That was a relief and we were able to manage the game from that point on, but still never quite found our usual flow. In the end, it wasn’t a great performance, but part of the UEFA Women’s Champions League is doing what’s necessary away from home in unfamiliar countries and conditions. Interestingly, the crowd was composed mostly of men, which is definitely a different makeup than a typical women’s soccer crowd elsewhere in the world.

7:30 p.m. We had dinner back at the hotel and then decided to check out the spa. It’s the biggest spa in Serbia, and features hot/cold contrast water therapy, saunas, steam rooms, a salt room, and many innovative treatments. As hotel guests, all of the services were free, and we got 30 percent off any treatments. In total, I spent about three hours in the spa, including an hour massage. I paid roughly $10. I wouldn’t mind this luxury after all of my games!

Thursday, 8 a.m. After breakfast it was time to leave for home. I realized that after being in Sweden for nearly two months, I finally think of Gothenburg as home.

My first Champions League experience with Kopparbergs/Goteborg was definitely noteworthy. The Swedish demeanor when traveling was somewhat like the hotel spa: laid back and relaxed. I was shocked when we were in a hurry to catch a connecting flight, and our group showed no noticeable stress or urgency to rush.

I was impressed by the level of the women’s team from Serbia. That’s not a country you would associate with women’s soccer, but there were many talented players on the team and also a few women from the Cameroon national team. The level of the women’s game is rising extremely quickly, and not just in the countries in the World Cup and Olympics. The Women’s Champions League, which is only 11 years old, is beginning to mirror the men’s tournament more and more in that there are no easy games. I’m sure the game will look much different when we face Spartak at home this week, but they are not to be taken lightly.

My trip to Serbia only increased my appetite to see and learn about new places. Serbia is a poor nation that has been devastated by war, but at the same time I found it beautiful and welcoming, with a unique charm that I hadn’t experienced before. My gratitude for how my job allows me to experience the world in a wider way continues to swell!

A Little Traveling Music

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — When I listened to Cory Booker, the mayor of Newark, address the students at Stanford University’s graduation this past summer, he urged his audience to focus less on what they want to be, and more on who they want to be. I believe that my greatest growth as a person has come from realizing what aspects have been conditioned through where and how I grew up. The moment you can identify why you see things as you do is the moment you gain the power to choose how you will see them from now on.

I was raised by ambitious parents, in a fast-paced New York City suburb. From age 9, I’ve had high aspirations and goals, and my drive is an innate part of my character. Living in Sweden has opened my eyes to how much value is placed on this individualized competitiveness in the United States compared to other cultures. While I love these aspects of myself and will never lose them, living in Europe has made me crave information about how other people view certain aspects of life.

With the statue of Grete Waitz outside Bislett Stadium in Oslo.

This may sound odd coming from a person who has been around the world, but I just realized a couple weeks ago that I love traveling. For almost as long as I can remember, the process was simply the means to an end — a somewhat stressful trip to an unfamiliar place, paired with the nerves and focus of competing. With a team for a short time, you never truly get to experience a new place. A day off for sightseeing makes for educational moments and quality photos, but it’s nowhere near the same as living in another country for an extended period.

Being in Sweden has helped me to separate certain parts of myself that are inherently American — my sense of urgency, individual drive and competitiveness, and views on cultural diversity. By default, I’ve acclimated to certain facets of Swedish life and fútbol. On the field, I have benefited from a system of play that is more team oriented and forgiving of mistakes. Outside of fútbol, I have gained an appreciation for quality of life over having and/or doing more. The aspects of this culture that I have adopted into my own have made me want to widen my perspective further. I want to see and play in more places, and experience how more people live.

I’ve found that wherever you are in the world, there are always friends. Whether it is somebody you already know that is there by chance, a connection of some sort through a mutual acquaintance, or just a friendly stranger, there are people with whom to connect.

This past week the team had two days off, so I decided to take a train to Norway on a mini-adventure. The trip only increased my appetite to travel, learn more and be exposed to different people. I know an American male player currently trying to find a team in Europe. I took the four-hour train ride to Oslo, and then a short ride to the smaller town of Lillestrom, where he is currently staying. His parents are from Nigeria, so after walking through the town, watching the women’s team train and learning a bit about what life is like in Norway, he cooked me a traditional Nigerian dinner. I like pretty much all food so I didn’t think much of it when he asked if I would like Nigerian food. I not only loved the food but enjoyed learning about how it is eaten in Nigeria and some primary differences between Nigerian, Norwegian and American cultural values. As I soaked in everything I was seeing, hearing and feeling, it was intoxicating.

While in Norway, I also met up with a good family friend. My mom worked with Grete Waitz, the famous Norwegian marathon runner and former world record holder, for many years and became close with her. Grete, who won nine New York City Marathons during her career, died last year. I met her husband at the train station and he gave me a wonderful walking tour of Oslo. He and Grete both grew up there, so it was fascinating to hear his impression of how the city, and country, have changed over time. I also got to see a special sculpture in honor of Grete, that is outside of Oslo’s Bislett Stadium.

These experiences during my time away have brought my attention back to Cory Booker’s wise words at the Stanford graduation. I came to live and play in Sweden to bring me closer to my aspirations — what I want to be. But I plan to continue to focus on and invest heavily in who I want to be.

U-20 World Cup: A Glimpse Into the Future

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — I love watching athletes celebrate. It’s that moment of pure joy in accomplishment and extreme relief that the nerves, fatigue and struggle were worth it. Seeing these celebrations gives me chills every time. As the young American women ran to embrace — sweaty braids and ponytails swishing across their faces — they acknowledged the fact that together they had achieved the ultimate feat: being the best in the world at what they do.

I followed most of the women’s under-20 world championship on Twitter because of a busy schedule and iffy Wi-Fi. But the final was a must-see. Germany had defeated the United States handily in group play, and now it was time for a rematch.

After training, I went with Cami Levin, Anita Asante and Olivia Schough (a U23 Swedish national team player) to find a place to watch. Over cappuccinos, we shared thoughts on women’s soccer and the players involved in the game.

First half: Watching the teams walk out and begin the game brought back memories from my experiences with youth national teams. Steve Swanson, the U20 coach, was my U16 national team coach. I reflected on the feeling of being in some of my first camps — the nerves, and the anticipation of seeing what the best from around the country looked like. Then I thought of my experience with the U19 national team (it was changed to U20 the tournament after I participated) and going to the world championship in Thailand. We played Germany in the semifinal and lost, 3-1. I remember Anja Mittag, whom I just played against on Malmo, being very dangerous. We went on to beat Brazil, which featured Marta and Cristiane, 3-0, for the bronze medal. I didn’t get to play in either of those games, but I tried to remember what the level looked like, and my mind-set, when analyzing how this tournament might compare. That was in 2003, but I distinctly remember what it was like to first participate in a major FIFA event, and hope that I would one day do that again. My youth national team experience prepared me well in terms of what it’s like to travel with a team, face international competition and play with some of those who have gone on to represent the United States on the senior level, like Rachel Buehler, Stephanie Lopez (now Cox), Becky Sauerbrunn, Megan Rapinoe and Amy Rodriguez, who were all on that team with me in Thailand. I’m sure that many of the U20 players feel that their experience was just as valuable. Plus, they can call themselves world champions!

Winning play: I was very proud to see the University of North Carolina play a huge role in the win. In my opinion, Crystal Dunn was the game’s best player at right back. She was very solid defensively, and got forward many times, causing a lot of trouble for Germany’s left-sided players. She assisted the winning goal, with a good ball across to Kealia Ohai (another U.N.C. player). Bryane Heaberlin (U.N.C. as well) was wonderful in goal, displaying a lot of confidence and coming up with several important saves in the last few minutes.

Stoppage time: This game led me to believe that the future of women’s soccer is very promising. It’s easy for a championship game to dip in quality because of players’ nerves, especially with those who are relatively inexperienced at the international level. A handful of the German U20s have played with their full team, and a good number start for professional clubs. You could see their experience during stretches of the game, as they calmly executed the typical German style — impressive organization, perfect spacing and wonderfully timed counterattacks. The United States women also displayed a level of maturity, remaining disciplined on defense, and creating some good chances, as well as possessing the ball well once they won it. Over all, the quality of this game says a lot for what we can expect in the future.

This tournament increases my optimism that when these players are integrated into the senior team level, they will continue to push the women’s game to new heights. Congratulations to the women involved in the final game, and especially the Americans for bringing home the championship. It is always great when I can watch a women’s game and feel thoroughly entertained — and impressed — by the talent and level of play.

5 Things I Love About Playing In Sweden

Two games doesn’t make me an expert. However, now that I’ve notched time with Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC, I do have a taste of the Swedish style of play and the Damallsvenskan (Swedish women’s league). Here are some observations of specific aspects of playing here that I love:

1. It’s awesome how many Americans are now playing for Swedish teams! There are four of us on my team alone. In my first game, it was great to see Lori Chalupny, who plays for AIK (but it wasn’t so great to see her causing havoc for us all over the field). On Wednesday, we face Ali Riley and Malmö in the Swedish Cup semifinal. We will face Kristianstad again, where Becky Edwards plays. On television the other night I caught the end of Tyresö playing Vittsjö, which is home to Kendall Fletcher, Danesha Adams, and Brittani Bock. And these are just some of the Americans sprinkled throughout the Damallsvenskan.

2. The goalkeepers, for the most part, play out of the back. Maybe only two or three times in our most recent game did our goalkeeper distribute long from her hands or a goal kick. I LOVE this. We start with possession of the ball every play and are able to build from the back, through the midfield, before going forward. Moreover, our goalkeeper, Kristin Hammarström, is phenomenal at distributing with her feet.

3. Some of the rules my team often follows while playing possession encourage great results that transfer into the games. If there are two defenders, they always have the aim of not only winning the ball, but connecting a pass with one another once they’ve done so. This way, the focus isn’t just on disrupting the play and kicking the ball out, but winning clean possession. Secondly, many times not only the player who makes a mistake, but the player who passed it to her, both become defenders. This emphasizes the importance and responsibility of setting your teammate up for success, rather than simply being concerned with getting the ball to another player. I can see these habits ingrained in the team’s style.

4. Following every game, an M.V.P. is chosen from each team and presented with flowers. I’m not sure who chooses the players to award, but it is not always someone who has scored goals or done something obviously spectacular. I can tell that the selections come from a broader understanding of who has had the best and most complete 90 minutes in her position.

5. From the end of 2009 until late 2011, I spent a lot of time in training camps being coached by Pia Sundhage, who was also a top Swedish player. During that time, I learned some wonderful things about the sport and the art of center midfield. At times, the progress I was making as a player—both mentally and physically—was overshadowed by the frustration I felt because I wasn’t able to break into Pia’s vision for the United States national women’s team. I’ve spent most of this past year observing the team from afar and dealing with my disappointment. But it dawned on me the other day in training that now I am finally seeing many things I learned from Pia being translated into my game. I spent hundreds of hours in camps thinking about and honing the elements of the game that Pia emphasized: changing the point of attack, feeling the rhythm of the game, changing one’s mind on the ball, making certain types of runs, dictating the tempo. She has a wonderful philosophy and view of the game. However, I was so focused on my lack of opportunity to show how I was learning and improving that I didn’t recognize the strides I was making as a player. Now I can finally incorporate these elements into my game. And it’s a wonderful feeling when certain areas from training finally “click.”

I am thousands of miles from the people I love, living in a foreign city, playing a sport I could be playing in other places in the world. On occasion I think: What am I doing here? Sometimes a question like that can be hard to answer. Not this time. For the first time in some years, I feel that I am playing in an environment where I am understood as a player. And that feeling alone is reason enough to be here.

U.S. Women Still No. 1. Can It Last?

GOTHENBURG, Sweden — The day before the Olympic final, as I warmed up with several of my new teammates in Sweden, I asked them who they thought would win the gold medal.

“I think the U.S.A. for sure.” “Yes, U.S.A. will win.”

The American women are considered a solid favorite in soccer minds around the world. Last Thursday, in front of more than 80,000 spectators at Wembley and millions more watching on television, they proved that despite the Japanese being crowned World Cup champions last summer, the Americans are No. 1. But can it last?

Those who watched the tournament saw a tough, relentless American team — a team that is deadly in the final third and organized in the back. They saw a team that is determined to win at all costs. But they also saw this team down two goals to a dynamic French attack. They saw a team not able to put away North Korea, and struggle for moments of the second half to maintain a 1-0 lead. They saw a greatly improved Canadian team go ahead against the U.S. not once, but three times. And anyone who watched the final saw a Japanese team that plays like no other women’s team in the world, working the ball from back to front and creating numerous quality chances.

The United States team returns home with a third consecutive gold medal — an impressive feat. There is, however, always more for which to strive. And there are three years until the next major tournament — the elusive World Cup in 2015 in Canada.

I am in Sweden, where women on Sweden’s U-19, U-23 and senior national teams train and compete week in and week out at a high level. As I have done, American female players are slowly dispersing throughout the world to play in leagues in soccer-mad countries such as Sweden, Germany, France, England and Japan. These women have a top-quality environment all year, some additionally competing in the UEFA Champions League.

Plans are in the works for a new professional league in the United States that will begin next year and include some former W.P.S. teams, as well as new ones. I fully believe that there can, and will, be a quality professional league in the United States, but this news brings some important questions.

¶ What exactly will the level be for the first couple of years?

¶ Will players who have found homes abroad return home?

¶ How many teams will compete in the league?

¶ Will it eventually be a year-round league like some of the leagues in Europe?

¶ Is it better for the development of some American players to venture to other countries and learn a new style, or to play together domestically?

The answers will shape not only the look of the United States women’s team for the 2015 World Cup, but likely the long-term trajectory of women’s soccer in the United States.

Without a doubt, we will continue to improve and produce quality young players. The real question is: can we remain solidly ahead of the development of some of the other countries?

It has been a longtime subject of discussion, but I still believe that during the next three years, we need to invest in these areas:

Technical

From my short stay in Gothenburg, I have been particularly impressed by the players’ passing technique — one touch, two touch, on the ground, in the air, a chipped pass, a driven pass. It is not only about getting the ball from point A to B. They understand the subtleties of the technique, such as putting the proper weight on a pass. Proficiency is about more than being able to perform advanced skills at a high tempo. It is about being able to do the basics as cleanly and efficiently as possible, as well as choosing the appropriate technique to use at any given moment.

Tactical

As Americans, we are raised with the mentality to go at a team for 90 minutes and not let up. We are taught, through what is said outright and through what is encouraged, that getting to the goal as quickly as we can is best. This may still be effective for years to come, but eventually there will come a time and a situation when it is not. What will be vital for the American women of the future is to recognize how to manage the game. How can we keep the ball, control the rhythm of play, and then choose the moment to use our deadly speed and athleticism when it is most effective?

We have always had all the raw materials. Our country produces skilled players and phenomenal athletes. US Soccer, the sport’s national governing body, invests tremendous resources into the women’s program, and great support continues to come from those who build professional leagues. The women’s game is still evolving. Now is the time to more fully commit to developing and emphasizing the areas of the game to keep the United States on a course of improvement.

Perhaps it is not about having all the answers at this point. For now, we just need to be asking the right questions. We are No. 1. But how can we stay there?

At London Games, This Is Fútbol

It looked like any other fútbol game — thousands of chanting fans packed into a picturesque stadium. The constant roar of the crowd provided the soundtrack for a show, taking place below on the perfect green grass. When the camera panned the field, however, ponytails were in abundance (and, no, it was not Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Philippe Mexes, Martin Caceres and Ronaldinho kicking around).

At one end of Wembley, Kelly Smith drove a blistering full volley just wide of the post. Moments later, at the other end, Marta vehemently demanded a better ball from her outside back. The spectacle took place in front of 70,000 people in attendance.

It was fútbol. Not “women’s fútbol,” but fútbol. Women just happened to be playing it.

Gone are the days when three or four powerhouse women’s teams dominated the world stage. No longer can you bet on a semifinal round including most of the obvious contenders of the past — the U.S., Brazil, Germany, China. This Olympic tournament holds the possibility of surprises, emerging stars and conflicting styles of play.

Brazil

Before the 2011 Women’s World Cup, I considered Brazil a strong contender to be the best team in the world. It has never been known for its organization or fitness, but it has some of the most talented players in the women’s game.

Among them, Marta, Cristiane and Formiga are capable of wreaking havoc on any team at a given moment. But that is what their players are: individuals. In the World Cup, Brazil’s lack of unity was its downfall. This Olympics has proven to be more of the same. Brazil’s elimination came at the hands of its antithesis in terms of style: Japan (less individually talented, but wonderfully organized and cooperative). Brazil will continue to produce talent — evident by the emergence of young players like Thais, who immediately caught my eye — but at this point, it appears that it has fallen off. It is scary to consider what more thorough preparation could produce from this group of women.

France

The French had a breakthrough tournament last summer. For the first time, they were included as a top team on the women’s side — displaying skill, organization and an interesting combination of methodical possession and free-flowing creativity.

In my eyes, this Olympics is a huge test. Has France established consistent quality, or was the World Cup a fluke? I think that the French have arrived. Despite a tough loss to the U.S., France was able to score two early goals against the Americans (a feat that few, if any, teams manage), which says a lot about its potency. Additionally, coming from behind against an organized and athletic Swedish team shows that the French women have a bit of grit in their approach. I do not think this French team is going anywhere but up.

Britain

Yes, it is technically a new team, although made up mostly of English players. And, yes, it is the host nation.

England did not qualify for the last Olympic tournament. For a long time, Kelly Smith was the only English player whose name could be used in the company of the world’s best. Now the team’s style and savvy throughout the lineup, and off the bench, have impressed me. The fact that Fara Williams, who I rate as a top midfielder in the world, cannot earn a starting spot in her squad, says enough. Britain’s team has depth and speed, and it moves the ball well. This tournament has added a huge confidence boost to that mix, which could be a catalyst for enormous future success.

U.S.

With certain teams on the rise, and others on the decline or out of the picture for now, the United States has proved its staying power.

This team is always a strong contender for a gold medal, and I do not see that changing in the near future. I think there are areas of the game that the Americans must improve upon to stay at the top (playing through the midfield, varying the rhythm and sophistication in terms of managing a lead, to name a few), but this team has all the pieces: talent, athleticism, organization. The production rate of Abby Wambach and Alex Morgan has been deadly, and it looks as if the U.S. is destined for gold unless an opponent is able to shut down this striker twosome.

There has been a five-team turnover in the 12-team tournament from 2008 to 2012. Only one of the teams that won a medal in the 2008 Olympics (the U.S., that won gold) is still alive in this year’s tournament. This is proof of evolution. And with evolution comes progress.

This is fútbol. Women just happen to be playing it.

Next Stop, Sweden

It’s official. … … I will soon venture to Sweden to represent my new club, Goteborg F.C.! I will be joining some familiar faces, including the Americans Ingrid Wells, Christen Press and Cami Levin. I’ll also be reuniting with my former Sky Blue teammate Anita Asante. Thanks to my Google skills, below are some fun facts about my new club, city and Swedish women’s soccer. Learn and enjoy!

¶ The Swedish women’s league is called the Damallsvenskan (which translates to Ladies all-Swedish) and consists of 12 teams. It took me a few tries to pronounce that.

¶ The team’s official name is Kopparbergs/Goteborg F.C. because the Kapparbergs brewery sponsors the club.

¶ The team is currently ranked sixth in the Damallsvenskan and is yet to win the league. Maybe this season?!

¶ The league is currently on break and will resume mid-August. It goes until late November. So I will have four months to experience Swedish football and attempt to help the club climb to first place.

¶ Hope Solo played for Goteborg in 2004.

¶ The manager is Torbojorn Nilsson, considered one of the best Swedish footballers. He played in Sweden for IFK Goteborg, in Holland for PSV Eindhoven and in Germany for 1. FC Kaiserslautern.

¶ The city of Gothenburg (which is the rendering in English) is the second-largest city in Sweden and is located on the country’s West coast.

¶ You can visit the team’s Web site here. If you speak/read Swedish, great. If not, you can just look at the pictures like I did.

I will fly to Sweden on Aug. 6 and will be updating the blog with my many adventures on and off the field. I look forward to sharing what life is like in Goteborg, and my observations on the style of play. If you have any recommendations of things to do or see while in Sweden, please leave me a comment!

‘We Learn By Going Where We Have to Go’

This summer I was supposed to be playing for the Atlanta Beat in W.P.S. Last week I was supposed to be flying to London with the Olympic team.

I was supposed to start coaching once my playing career finished.

I was not supposed to be working at anything besides being a professional athlete.

I was definitely not supposed to be playing in the W-League, the same league I joined as a 14-year-old.

This summer I found myself traveling a route I had not programmed into my personal G.P.S.

But … I’m trying to follow the words of Theodore Roethke in the headline of this posting.

My Team

Playing for the New Jersey Wildcats of the W-League turned out to be exactly what I needed for my playing career.

I was able to play 90-minute games with relatively little pressure, and just play. There were several mental habits I had developed in the past couple of years that I needed to break. I realized after a game or two that every time any substitution was made, I would immediately assume it was going to be me. Sad, but true.

I had to untrain myself from the notion that if I made a mistake or two I would be taken off. I am actually proud of myself that I got used to trying things and being O.K. with messing up. I was able to mentally applaud my effort, as opposed to getting angry or frustrated with myself. I also got accustomed to not always playing one or two touch.

I worked a lot on facing up in the midfield, and doing more than I would usually do. I tried to take a lot of responsibility in the attack, and in doing so, scored often and had a good number of assists. While I’m ready to play at the professional level again, the Wildcats allowed me to take a step back in order to go forward.

My Job

I’ve always had the dream of one day starting a development academy. I like working with individual players and small groups who want to get better.

My focus is on technique and mastering the ball. Early in the summer, when I began training some players individually, I resented that I was out in the heat using my energy, and not doing my own training. I didn’t want to do what I considered work yet. But soon I realized I was learning while I taught.

I developed my own coaching methods that I will use in my academy one day. I came up with progressions to work on certain skills, and figured out ways of breaking down techniques to teach to various levels. I also enjoyed connecting with my students and making training fun for them. I was also often inspired as I attempted to inspire others.

I train an 8-year-old girl who is absolutely phenomenal. I saw the game through her eyes — the excitement of beginning her journey, the endless possibilities for the future, and the freshness with which she approaches her training. She helped me to reframe my thoughts and focus on just putting in the work, as opposed to worrying about results.

What’s Next?

I’m looking to play in Europe this fall. I am excited to play for a top team in a competitive league. Be on the lookout for an announcement about what club I will be joining! I’m hoping to know in the next week or so.

So, I took an unintended route. But in so doing, I realized that the trajectory of my life and career is supposed to be exactly as it is; not the way I planned it.

Euro 2012: The Volante Extraordinaire

Suddenly, Andrea Pirlo, 33, is a household name and not only in Italy. His class as a player has always been recognized, but rarely has he gotten to be the star. When Pirlo ran the show for Italy against England, it got the public’s attention. But why now?

Pirlo’s dominance was so complete that he connected three times as many passes as any opposing English player. Truthfully, he was just doing what he does every game. But this time, when everyone else was frantic, when England struggled to keep the ball, and no Italian players made magnificent plays, there was Pirlo, doing it right all game long.

This is the plight of the holding midfielder. It is a position that often garners little glory, yet the team’s pulse rests in this player’s feet. In Portuguese, the position is called “volante,” the word for steering wheel. Euro 2012 brought to light something that I’ve often observed — seldom is the brilliance of the volante applauded and fully appreciated. As a holding midfielder when I play, I have a keen view of the position.

When we think of Spain’s dominant performance in the championship game, Xabi Alonso is likely not one of the first players to come to mind. But he, like Pirlo, deserves more credit. He consistently sets the stage for an entertaining and productive performance, but most times remains out of the spotlight. As the camera was focused on Xavi, Andrés Iniesta and David Silva, who at times pulled off stunning displays of fútbol, Xabi Alonso was a constant outlet. His passes were safe, allowing for his teammates to try something a bit more risky. His positioning was conservative, allowing others to make more daring runs.

Riccardo De Luca/Associated PressItalian style — on and off the field.

The volante is typically not a player with blazing speed, magical dribbling ability, or a charismatic playing personality. Most times he/she manages the game by making seemingly simple plays. I have inhabited this role on many occasions. A well-timed tackle or crisp pass can change the flow of the game in an instant. The position requires a unique skill set and some less tangible qualities than other spots on the field. An even temperament, and instinctive feel for the rhythm of the game are key. When does the team need a calming foot on the ball as opposed to an injection of energy?

It is rare that the holding midfielder is so dominant that he/she cannot be ignored. But behind the success of most spectacular teams is a puppeteer pulling the strings and supplying the ball to where it needs to be at the right time. This player may not produce the magic, but he/she allows it to happen.

So is it shocking that “past his prime” Pirlo ran more than 11½ kilometers (about 7 miles), more than any English player Italy played against? Only to those who never before considered what allowed Mario Balotelli to look dangerous or Claudio Marchisio to make dashing runs forward.

I saw Pirlo making himself available for every ball, covering the ground to link his players and putting in the work to flawlessly dictate the team’s pulse. It is way past time that he finally got the credit he deserves.

So next time you see a flashy Ferrari, or a team running on all cylinders, remember that it absolutely could not function without its steering wheel.

I Say ‘Thank You’

The national anthem is only roughly two minutes long. But before a game, sometimes it can feel like an eternity. It had been so long since I stood on the field with my hand on my heart, that I almost forgot my little routine. I put my hand on my heart, not only out of tradition and loyalty to the United States, but so I can feel the thump of my heartbeat. My heart is always pounding. This is how I know I’m meant to play this game. I summon the feelings of extreme gratitude. I say “thank you” for having something in my life that can make me feel so alive. I say “thank you” that I am healthy and able to step on the field. I say “thank you” for the opportunity to play the sport I love and express myself in the best way I know how, with the ball at my feet. I say “thank you” for my existence in this moment.

And I also remember the name Kelly Muldoon. I met Kelly my sophomore year at the University of North Carolina. She was 12 years old and had many of the goals I had at that age. But Kelly was sick, and unfortunately died not long after she shared in our 2006 season and N.C.A.A. championship, as she was rolled out onto the field in a wheelchair after our victory. I say “thank you” and I honor the memory of this girl who wanted nothing more than to be doing what I am so fortunate to be able to do.

As I stood on the field at DePaul High School in Wayne, N.J. for my first game for the New Jersey Wildcats, I remembered this ritual. I also remembered that my last W-League game was actually at DePaul, when I was 16. What a coincidence.

In four days, starting with that night at DePaul, I played three games for the Wildcats. This was all it took to remember why I love and am obsessed with this sport. I love the thrill of competition, of trying to use the skills and techniques I’ve practiced, and of just playing, making mistakes and trying to do better the next time, all without having to make up my own rules or workout. I enjoy and appreciate training — so much so that I had forgotten the full value of playing games. It took me a bit to get back into the swing of things, but not long before I felt that addicting excitement.

It was a bit of a mental struggle to realize that after nine summers, I was back in the same league, playing at the same local high school. I felt a moment of disappointment in myself for not having made it further in that time. But I then realized that I had hopped in the car for 20 minutes, stepped onto the field to do what I love, and my parents, boyfriend, former coach and friends were all in the stands watching. I have areas in which I want to improve, but also a feeling of mastery over certain aspects of the game that is very satisfying. this is my dream come true. I have high aspirations, but what more can I ask for than to play and be happy doing so?

W.P.S.: Gone, but Not Lost

When I read the official news today about W.P.S., I did not first think of the teams that folded, the issues that arose along the way, or the lawsuit with Dan Borislow. I thought of how fortunate I was to be a part of something successful — a league that was home to many of the best players in the world, where soccer was our full-time job. I feel sad that this opportunity is no longer available to me and other elite female players.

Although I had come to terms that there would be no 2012 W.P.S. season, and knew it was highly unlikely that the league would be back in its original form for 2013, these words hit me hard: “W.P.S. ‘Permanently Suspends’ Operations, Dissolves League.”

As a player who was fortunate to participate in the inaugural season of the league in 2009, I can’t help but feel a sense of ownership that I think is shared by others, especially those who played in all three years of the league’s existence. We vowed to do everything possible to “make it work.” And in that sense, I think that all of us involved feel a sense of failure.

But I differentiate between a “successful” and “sustainable” league. W.P.S. was not sustainable, but it was successful in many ways.

I remember receiving the call from Sky Blue letting me know that they were drafting me as their first-round draft pick. At that moment, I had achieved my dream of being a professional soccer player. I could play my sport, make a living, and do it in my home state.

The first year was quite an adventure. I played with and against women on the U.S. national team, international stars, and players who had been a part of the W.U.S.A. (the first women’s professional league). We traveled to Los Angeles and beat Marta and the L.A. Sol in the beautiful Home Depot Center to become W.P.S. champions. Two years later, I played in a sold out stadium in western New York for the Flash, in which extra seating had to be brought in to accommodate the fans. I got experience doing appearances with youth players, being interviewed by the news media, for radio shows, and TV segments.

It’s easy to assess the shortcomings and how each faction could have done better. We can place blame, but bottom line: it is extremely hard (if not next to impossible) to build a league from nothing, have individuals fronting large sums of money, and make it sustainable.

It’s natural for women’s teams to evolve out of male clubs (the model in most of Europe) and have the support of those multimillion dollar businesses. It’s natural for a professional league to be formed out of a semipro setup, where the teams who have the money can afford to pay the best players. The truth is, women’s soccer is not leaving this country. When I read the comments on Facebook and Twitter, it reminds me of what I already know: there is a dedicated fan base, dedicated team owners and dedicated players in this country. Maybe those entities could not sustain W.P.S., but women’s soccer will be here, just in a different form.

When I read the word “folded” it makes me cringe. I prefer to look at it as a clean slate. Yes, there were aspects of W.P.S. that were not ideal, but if we take from these past three years the positives, and move on with a smarter, more sustainable plan, then although Women’s Professional Soccer will not exist, women’s professional soccer will.

Just Put In the Work

The problem with having goals is that they can zap your motivation as easily as they can feed it.

I studied psychology at the University of North Carolina, and over the years, I’ve developed an in-depth philosophy about my sport, my goals and my path toward achieving them. But after facing a series of disappointments and failures, and recently taking some time off, I felt lost.

One decision I made in high school is that I am O.K. putting myself out there, risking failure. I want to state my goals and pursue them with every ounce of my mental and physical energy. And I’m not afraid to ask for help along the way.

So, when it was mentioned in a mass e-mail I received that a sports psychologist was offering to speak to players, I called her immediately. I told her, “I’m not quite sure why exactly I called, but I just feel that I need help.”

The hour we spent on the phone was refreshing and enlightening. What she brought to my attention is that, although I’ve attained a high level and had a lot of success in many different ways, I’ve never been so far from my most immediate goals.

As a youth player, there was always an O.D.P. team I was trying to make, and my aim of playing for U.N.C. In college, I was constantly competing and trying to prove myself and improve my team. Straight from college, I had W.P.S. and was fighting for a spot on a professional team. Shortly after, I was called in with the national team and aiming to establish myself in that environment and make the World Cup team.

Right now, I’m out of the picture to make the Olympic team and I have no first division professional club to represent. I want to find a professional team where I am a starter and make the next World Cup team, but these are both long-term and abstract goals that are not fully within my control. As the sports psychologist pointed out, they are “outcome goals” as opposed to “process goals.” It’s important to have both. My lack of short-term process goals was leaving me feeling hopeless and unmotivated.

After our conversation, I immediately established some process goals. I always talk about loving the process and just for the sake of training (not solely as the means to reach an outcome), but despite all my talk, I had lost sight of embodying those principles.

This summer, I want to take joy in simply “putting in the work.” I am taking 100 shots a day — getting back to being dangerous in front of goal from all distances and angles, as well as free kicks. I’m also building up to a speed endurance workout that I used to do in the summers to prepare for U.N.C. preseason. It’s a series of 20-, 40-, 60-, 80-, and 100-yard sprints.

I am a firm believer that “success” comes from consistently doing the right things and enjoying each moment along the way. I feel that every day in my training and in how much I love the game, but sometimes it’s good to refocus and have a little reminder. My motto for the summer, which will be hanging on the wall in my room shortly, is “just put in the work.” I trust that the rest will follow.